As cliché as it sounds, I found myself in a rather stagnant disposition where I was creatively, financially, spiritually unfulfilled. It took so much for me to see the undeniable light that was hidden by my doubts and occasional “I’ll do it later” banter where I then grew tired of not seeing all that I desired. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks (no remorse at that) that I wasn’t allowing myself to intentionally grow. Instead, I grew way too comfortable staying in a position that no longer suited me, not trusting myself creatively or my gifts. I kept asking myself (over and over again and over again) was I truly and wholeheartedly doing enough for myself?
And to answer that lightly, HELL NO! Yes, I was tired of putting so much on the back burner but how serious was I with myself about putting forth all of the things I manifested? I know we tend to be our own worst critics; hard on ourselves at that, but how often do you really (I mean really) put yourself out there?
I wasn’t and it showed in just how I thought and spoke about myself. The occasional scroll on IG, looking at other creatives flourish in ways I only dreamt of wasn’t doing me any justice (if you find yourself doing so, stay away from social media the sooner the better)
But then it dawned on me. After much digging (I was goin’ real deep y’all) and crossing out the things/people and experiences I no longer needed to keep on the forefront, I realized I’d been doing a disservice to myself.
So I decided to stop questioning and just go after every single opportunity that was placed in front of me (for real this time) and wholeheartedly pour into myself. I no longer wanted to question the what if’s and found myself asking when can I start?
I’d be wrong if I didn’t mention those moments where I had no desire to go after the things that best suited me. The lack of motivation was indeed frightening. But I remembered how much it meant to me seeing that all I dreamt for myself would come into fruition, as long as I put the work in. I owed it to myself to live out the experiences I envisioned; how much it meant for me to really see through the things and experiences that were most valuable to me.
Now in this particular phase of my life, giving up was no longer an option nor did I ever want to have the capability in doing so. It’s so much deeper than taking that plunge/leap of faith. It’s ultimately entrusting in yourself that you are worthy of all that you deeply desire. No longer finding yourself comparing to others or questioning the trials and tribulations of life. Knowing that when you enter your season of alignment, things will gradually fall into place. But also understanding and extending grace to yourself throughout it all are my biggest takeaways of growth.
So I challenge you to take what you will from this post. You owe it to yourself to emit the light that’s in you. So go on, even when that little voice tells you no. Go as far as you possibly can and know that all that you desire/dream of is waiting for you on the other side.
