Self-love is just as important for feeling good and living a fulfilling life as any other kind of love. By discovering our self-love language, we can care for ourselves in ways that hold meaning to us. In his book, The 5 Love Languages, author, speaker, and counselor, Gary Chapman, highlights the five ways we receive love from others: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. But what a lot of people don’t know is that these love languages can also work on ourselves. The first step to finding our self-love language is through practicing self-care.
“Self-care is so important to Black women because throughout history we have been asked (and forced) to take care of others before ourselves,” Ednesha Saulsbury, LCSW, tells Grown. “We prioritize the needs and wants of our families, communities, and society; as children, Black girls are asked to take on the responsibility of being the helper and caretaker, and as she grows, that role gets embedded into all aspects of her life.”
We should love and care for ourselves on the outside, but true self-love and -care start on the inside, says Saulsbury. “It’s not about the billion dollar industry that has been created around relaxation and skincare,” she explains. “It’s about learning that advocating for yourself is necessary, allowing yourself to be grounded and centered, and prioritizing your wellness as a right and not a privilege.”
Below are some examples of how to practice self-care through your love language. Your romantic love language may be different from your self-love language, so take a look at each list and choose the one that best resonates with you. No matter what you decide, we hope you will take some time to love on yourself today — because you deserve it, sis.
Words of affirmation
If your self-love language is words of affirmation, then you value words of encouragement, mantras, and speaking lovingly to yourself. This may be your love language if you repeat affirmations or journal throughout the day. Here are some other ways you can love yourself through speech and writing:
- Write kind messages to yourself in your planner or on your wall calendar
- Change your wallpaper or desktop background to an inspiring quote
- Write a letter to your younger self
- Read self-improvement books
- Watch a TED talk or inspirational video
- Keep a gratitude journal
- Practice complimenting yourself
- Give yourself a pep talk
- Set goals for the future
- Set your intention for the day
Quality time
If quality time is your love language, then you enjoy spending time with yourself. People with this self-love language know that peace and happiness can be found in their own company. If this sounds like you, try one of the following activities:
- Check out the Black Woman Be Whole podcast
- Take yourself out on a date
- Watch your favorite show or movie
- Meditate
- Spend some time reading
- Work on a passion project
- Spend some time on your hobbies or discover a new one
- Have a solo dance party
- Take a walk
- Paint a picture
Receiving gifts
If you love spoiling yourself, then your self-love language is probably receiving gifts — and hey, as long as you’re not running up your budget, then there’s no shame in that. Treat yourself to one of the following activities:
- Purchase the “Hey Sis, Are You Okay? Workbook
- Buy yourself a lingerie set
- Buy bath bombs and bubble bars
- Get yourself a personalized notebook or planner
- Treat yourself to dessert with your next meal
- Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers
- Go on vacation
- Go out for dinner
- Spend a day at the mall
- Pick up a special drink from your favorite coffee shop
Acts of service
Acts of service means doing things for yourself that make your life easier and more organized. If you like to manage your time or plan out your day, then performing an act of service might be the best way to show yourself love. You can also try one of these other ways:
- Write in your planner
- Stick to your calendar
- Go to therapy
- Set boundaries
- Clean your living space
- Organize your closet
- Take professional development classes
- Get a protective hairstyle
- Set short- and long-term goals
- Create a budget
Physical touch
Some people show themselves love through their sense of touch. Those people enjoy pampering, moving, and pleasuring their bodies. If this is your self-love language, then show yourself affection with one of these activities:
- Take a bath
- Attend a yoga class
- Exercise
- Cuddle up with a cozy blanket
- Enjoy a delicious meal
- Masturbate
- Get a massage
- Drink more water
- Establish a skincare routine
- Wear comfortable clothing
Want to learn more about how to deepen your love for yourself? Get the “Hey Sis, Are You Okay? Workbook to love yourself to the fullest! It features over 100 pages of self-care advice, self-love exercises, and activities to help you process your emotions, create boundaries, and set goals for the future.
Now that you’ve explored the self-love languages, which one of them speaks to you? Share it with us in the comments below!
