Every year, there comes a time when summer slips away from us and winter hits us quicker than we can prepare for. Less sunlight. Less parties. Less heat. More clothes. More silk presses. More Feelings.
And somehow the more feelings we have, the more excuses we find to attach ourselves to someone who is entertaining for the moment, but not likely in the long-run.
But all for the plot, right? For some odd reason, cuffing season has an ambiguous definition. Is it exclusively dating? Hooking Up? Wasting time together? No one seems to know – yet we’re all so invested.
And it’s hard not to be. A new celebrity couple pops out on the ‘gram everyday. The winter season seems to coincide with engagement announcements, save the dates, and the way too invasive holiday-dinner questionnaire gauging whether you’re making the most of your child-bearing years or not.
It’s all with the best intention, but that doesn’t make the sting any less harsh. And if we’re being super honest – it’s cold and S.A.D is real.
Taking a minute to reflect on myself, I realized – for the first time in 3 winter seasons – I am single. And really single. No talking stages. No “let’s cosplay like we’re in a relationship” dates. No spin the block escapades. No fantasizing about a future with someone who didn’t even have a future of their own.
Laughably, in hindsight, I was single all those other times too – I was just the only one who didn’t know. And no, none of us made it to Valentine’s Day.
But despite my shameless track record, every time the temperature dropped a little beyond comfort, I was running through Hinge-matches like beers at the end of a night-out.
Maybe it was to fill up my time. Maybe it was to distract myself from the looming pressure that comes with the New Year. Maybe it was to potentially mark a chapter with someone I had yet to define for myself.
But it didn’t make sense. I am certainly not the “meet your mother” type nor would I ever introduce someone I was half-way interested in to my family. So what was it? Why did I feel this mounting pressure to be coupled in the colder months? Was it loneliness? Was it boredom?
I had to dig deeper. Everyone knows women are demonized for singleness. If attractive, ambitious, outgoing women are single we’re put into two categories. Nut case or wh*re.
It’s a thin line to tread – society applauds women for “hot-girl” antics in the summer months, and at the same time expects us to flip the switch and become archetype domestic counterparts the minute it’s time for a jacket.
So, how do we find the balance? You may be thinking. What is so wrong with a short-term fling? The world is practically on fire, having a little company should be the least of our concerns. It’s true. It’s low stakes. It’s low pressure. It’s low commitment.
But somehow even in these short, inching, meaningless flings – I always gave up more than I had received, left feeling worse after it than before, and wasted more time than I had anticipated. Long story short, the temporary “feels” were not worth the permanent damage.
So this year, I decided no more. If you’re feeling the pressure of cuffing season and want to “unshackle” your heart and mind – here are some things to consider.
- Refrain From Spinning the Block: Our elders have told us one too many times “if it’s meant to be, it’ll come back.” And that may be true. But in this case most women are the exception, not the rule. Cuffing season is both fast paced & short, so if you haven’t left enough time for it, you may find yourself void of any new prospects. If the next best option is to resort to someone from your past. Don’t. They left your life for a reason and it’s likely they haven’t changed enough to be back in it.
- Try Not to Play House: When you’re spending a little too much time indoors with someone, it’s easy to start cosplaying like you’re a wifey. Cooking. Cleaning. Copulation. If you find yourself doing this without a title and/or ring, stop and evaluate while you’re ahead. Ask yourself – is this person deserving of you cosplaying housewife? The more you play house, the more it starts to feel like the real thing. And cuffing season is rarely that.
- Do It for YOU, Not for your Fam: If you’re in a rush to cuff someone because you want to bring them over to holiday dinner – play out the dinner conversation in your head and I’m sure you’ll think twice. Moving at a quicker pace for optics is never the answer. If anything, you’re just on fast-track to explain what happened to him or her next year.
- The Story Isn’t Worth The Time Wasted: Short-term commitments make for funny stories and teachable moments. But whether you waste 2 weeks or 2 months – it was still your time and you can’t get it back. Some may say the 20s are for all the horrible decisions you can make when it comes to dating – but some lessons we only have to learn once.
Enough about what you shouldn’t be doing. What about how you should be spending your time this cuffing season? I am no expert by any means but I do know the end of the year is an ample time to reflect on what you want out of your life – not what a man can bring to it.
It’s the perfect time to do some shedding. Whether it’s friends, jobs, bad habits, or even destructive ones. And if you’re up for it – it’s also a time to think what you want to add. Whatever magic you think is going to come from having a half-baked romance in your life, more likely than not you can add that magic yourself – by yourself.
It feels better when you do it that way too. Moral of the story – don’t spend another cuffing season doing the same sh*t you did last year.