My body is drastically changing again and it’s driving me crazy. I feel like I’m experiencing a second round of puberty. It’s not all bad, but it is so hard for me to wrap my head around these unforeseen changes and re-establish new routines. In my mid-20s, I can confidently say I’ve already gone through adolescence, a phase of life from childhood to adulthood. But over the past year or two I’ve noticed so many changes to my body that I have to unpack, accept, and cater to. And for my other 20 somethings, I just wonder – is this second round of puberty kicking your ass like it’s kicking mine?! Let’s get into it.
I Used To Dream Of Being Curvy and Now I Don’t Know How To Handle It
When I was a teenager, I’d look at the older women in my family in amazement knowing that I’d someday acquire the curves they had, and achieve my embodiment of being a “grown woman.” But now that my time is gradually approaching, I am consistently shocked by the frequency of outgrowing pants I just bought a month ago. What’s even more shocking is that the weight gain is not just coming for my thighs but also my entire midsection, and it’s all happening so fast that it’s hard to accept and adjust.
All my life, I have been pretty skinny. Until I was about 23, I actually had a very hard time gaining weight no matter how much I ate. I hovered over 110 on the scale, and could fit comfortably into anything under a size 2 or 4. For a while I even had a pair of leggings my mom bought me in middle school that were a size 10/12 in girls clothing and they still fit with a little room to grow. But within the past year, I feel like I can just look at a cookie, and wake up the next day having to suck in my stomach to get my pants buttoned. Although I am committed to learning and loving the changes that I undergo mentally, emotionally, and physically, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had numerous breakdowns or cancelled plans last minute because nothing in my closet fit.
A lot of the reason I have been thin most of my life comes from genetics, but it is definitely fair to contribute my weight to the fact that I have always been active. I played sports most of my time in school, even though I was not great at most of them. And when I wasn’t playing sports, I could hit some light exercises and tone up in a few days to a week. Easy as pie. Now, I don’t see progress unless I’ve been working out consistently and strategically for a few months at a time. It’s even brought me to a point where shopping has become exhausting. Between trying to figure out what size I am, to having to replace clothing so frequently, to finding clothing that I even feel comfortable in amongst my changing body is a battle I was not prepared for.
My Skin Type Changed As Soon As I Mastered My Skin Care Routine
When I started dabbling in makeup around 18, I became a lot more serious about my skin care routine. I didn’t truly understand how oily my skin was until I started wearing foundations that made me look like a fresh Krispy Kreme donut by noon daily. I tried lessening the amount of moisturizer I used on my skin with and without makeup to see if that helped, but then came to realize that drying it out only makes your skin produce more oil in the long run. I watched a million Youtube videos and spent plenty of money on skin care and makeup products to find the right fit years later.
Fast forward to now, I feel like my skin has done a complete 180 and can now be deemed normal/dry skin. A few months had passed and I noticed that my skin was constantly feeling tight and deprived. I tried slightly switching my skin care routine which I normally do anyway because I sometimes feel like your skin needs a break, but nothing helped. I was back to the beauty aisle at Target and testing at Sephora until I found a new regimen. I’m feeling like I have my skin back on track after all the trial and error, but now I’m on edge wondering if my skin will flip on me again forcing me to update cleaners, serums, moisturizers, and expensive foundations.
Beware of the Hormone Monster
I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen the show, ‘Big Mouth’, on Netflix but there is a hormone monster who essentially just pops up during inappropriate moments. I, too, have a hormone monster and I’ve been wholeheartedly considering naming her Muhammah Ali because she has been kicking my butt… The hormone monster in the show usually pushes sexual desires, but in my experience my hormone monster shows up in the form of acne, extremely heightened emotions, and plenty of other menstrual cycle-esq symptoms.
When Aunt Flow is in town, I can sleep like a hibernating bear. I literally can get up to work from home, send one email, and it all just feels like I ran a marathon. I remember when my period first started, I always knew I had it because I’d get a crazy spurt of energy and these days my energy level is in the ground. In addition, I either feel extremely emotionally triggered by everything or super emotionally disconnected from everything. Bye-bye balance. Also, who would she be if she didn’t show up with her entourage – hormonal acne? My menstrual cycle almost guarantees a pimple or two these days, whereas before it’d be maybe once every 12 cycles. My hormones, which during initial puberty kind of felt like a feisty chihuahua that could be tamed with patience and gentleness, have surely transformed into a monster.
As much as I wish I could end this article with a cute or encouraging conclusion, all I can really say is IDK. (When) does puberty ever really end? If you feel like your body is switching up on you like the seasons, I’m here to tell you — you are not alone!
