Lately I’ve been feeling like life has been calling me to love myself in deep and radical ways, even in the absence of love from others, and maybe, especially in that absence. As a sensualist, I love all things that align me with my pleasure, and allow me to experience myself, others, and the world around me on a deeper level. Maybe this is what has led me to reading romance novels for the first time in my adult life, and I feel like more Black women should too.
In the lives of Black women, often fantasy and romance have to take a backseat to more “practical” concerns. Like a curse put on a princess by an evil witch, it’s a story Black femmes are all too familiar with. But as an avid daydreamer and lover of all things sensual, I never give up on a good love story and encourage all the women around me to do the same.
I’m not sure that it’s possible for me to fall in love with anyone without a bit of romanticizing. Because what is romanticizing if not adding some fantasy to hold onto during the harder parts? Inevitably, in any romantic relationship, things will turn sour at a point in time because all longterm relationships require putting in the work. So consider my romanticizing a healthy way of holding onto loving memories to keep things together (while, of course, solving the initial conflict). In essence, my romanticizing is doing my lover a favor in ensuring that I will be able to continue beyond minor doubts.
In romance novels, there’s a heavy dose of optimism that can be missing in real life dating, especially for Black women. Bombarded with calls to action to set more boundaries, not put up with bullshit, and cut people off, romance novels offer a counter perspective where softness and openness can be the keys to obtaining, and keeping, love. Women who wear their heart on their sleeves are rewarded with opportunities to find their loves and have their voices heard. Often these characters have been scarred before, but they learn lessons that staying open to love is not only necessary for their romantic lives, but for their holistic wellness.
In romance novels, love conquers everything– and this love isn’t just limited to the romantic. The main characters in these novels are usually deeply nurtured by loving friendships and familial relationships. These relationships can serve as a catalyst for the main character to realize their worth, be brave enough to move towards love, and ultimately set out on a journey that has its challenges, but is grounded in a loving and supporting community to see it through. For example, some new releases in the Black romance genre–take Akwaeke Emizi’s You Made A Fool of Death With Your Beauty–include a deep passion for one’s art and creative desires as a central part of the love story, making romantic love not necessarily the main focus of the story, but just one part of the hero’s journey towards rediscovery and self love on all fronts. Being open to all of the sensual and pleasurable experiences around us is just one aspect that’s amplified by reading romance novels.
In a way, romantic love is often the center where all other forms of love spill out from. In my own life, I have often found that loving somebody, loving anybody, makes all aspects of my life better. And like the heroines in romance novels, I too find myself rediscovering a passion for all things sensual and creative in my life.
The mainstream narrative surrounding Black women and love seems to be centered around self-love. But I’ve found that it’s not always about self-love–sometimes it’s about the ability to see the kind of love you desire reflected around you – perhaps in the pages of a book. Black women for a long time have felt an absence of seeing ourselves as the recipients of love in popular movies, television shows and books. In Black romance novels, we can see evidence of women who are like us being loved out loud.
The heroines of romance novels are often difficult women. They are women with heavy pasts, women whose longing has led them to painful places, women who defy privileged categories like neurotypical, straight, middle class, and so on. Though fictional, Black romance novels serve as proof that we are worth loving and that our greatest romance might just be a page or two away. Romance novels teach us that we are never out of time to find love and that love and romance can exist in strange places if we only open ourselves up to notice them. Who can benefit more from those lessons if not Black women?
It may be surprising that in my day to day reading, I tend to go for more non-fiction: gut wrenching poetry, personal and political essays, and deep dives on niche subjects in Black history. But there’s something in me that’s pulled towards romance novels, and maybe it’s because romance novels aren’t just about romantic love– they encompass the creative, the spiritual, the relational aspects of life: all things I feel most people enjoy and that Black women could use more of. When we read more romance novels, we start to notice the beauty in the mundane and the serendipitous ways that life, and often love, can find us.
Some Black Romance Novels To Get You Started!
Happily Ever Afters by Elise Bryant
Seven Days in June by Tia Williams *content warning: self-harm and drug use
Sweet, Soft, Plenty Rhythm by Laura Warrell
The Brown Sisters Trilogy by Talia Hilbert
Ties that Tether by Jane Igharo
You Made A Fool of Death With Your Beauty by Akwaeke Emezi
